"Are You There, God?"

Remember that teen book "Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret" - when I was that age, I loved those Judy Blume books. Even more than that, I loved Nancy Drew books - I read every single one of those, Man, were they good! Nancy was the ultimate sleuth! But I digress. Back to Margaret.

I felt like Margaret in the early part of this year. I'll explain. Back in March was registration for school this fall and Rod and I had long ago put Aynsley on the list for a particular school that we really wanted her to go to. All seemed to be on track and the road was paved for that to happen. For reasons far too lengthy and unnecesssary to get into now, Aynsley was not able to attend that school. To describe our feelings as disappointment would be a gross understatement. For months, I pouted, sulked, and basically let God have it. Respectfully of course. I had hoped that when school started in August that God would open a spot for her at the last minute. Surely it would all work out. Nope. My close friends know that it has been a real proverbial thorn for me. I prayed and prayed but it seemed He didn't answer and so I decided that for some reason, God didn't want her at that school, at least at that time, and He had a reason. And God's reasons are good, even when it seems the opposite to me. Aynsley had to attend a different school and it has been troublesome from the start. She just doesn't want to go. It's been 6 weeks - plenty of time for her to get used to it and adjust to a new school. I couldn't understand it. I prayed and prayed and though frustrated, I decided I had to have peace about God's placement -I didn't have a choice, this was His plan for her and all my worrying and carrying on about it wasn't gonna change His mind. Accepting it and letting Him have control was my only option. And yes, I realize this is preK, not Harvard. But you moms know how it is - you want your little girls and boys happy and loving school and you want what you think is best for them and their little personalities. I think it is important for a child's first impressions of the school years to be good...they've got lots of years of it ahead so I didn't want Aynsley to loath it before we even got to kindergarten!

A favorite pastor of mine preached a sermon about how God answers our prayers. He said that God always answers our prayers - but it's not always with a Yes. I think a lot of times, we assume that if things aren't going our way, then God must not have been listening and didn't answer. Not so. To quote that preacher, God can reply with "No" , "Grow", "Slow", or "Go". "No" is obvious - it's a closed door. "Grow" means that God wants to grow us a little more before He gives us what we seek. "Slow" might mean that God is working things out according to His plan....we may have to be patient and let Him work and we may get a positive in the end or maybe not. God knows best. Of course, "Go" is a green light. In this situation with Aynsley's schooling, I wanted a green light. I got a red one. Boy, did that not set well with my strong-willed spirit.

As late as Thursday of this week, I contemplated just taking her out and keeping her home with me. I figured the risk of her not being as ready for kindergarten as she could be was worth not having her cry and pout when I left her at school, nearly every day. And the very next day I got word that there is a spot opening up for Aynsley at the other school. I danced, I sang, I praised God for hearing my cry the previous day.

Now as I think back over the last 7 months, I realize that my thinking was all messed up. All along, I was under the impression that God wasn't answering because He wasn't working it out for her to start the school year there. Now I see that indeed He did answer me and grew me all at the same time. I wonder if God was answering "Grow "--> was He maturing me as I dealt with not being in control of the situation? Maybe He answered "Slow" to my prayers....maybe He just wanted to see if I would submit and do it His way. It would seem that when I let it go, He sent me a "Go".

God is good. Even when he gives us a "No", and even when he gives us a "Slow". He certainly taught me a few lessons in this one! What an exciting journey it is!

All the above to say "Whoopee!!" Aynsley starts at her new school this week and we are all very excited! I know there are several of you out there that have prayed about this too and I appreciate it very much. Ya'll know that it was a hard one for me. Thank you.